Being 32 weeks pregnant, I know my hormones are all over the place but I can't help but feel like a failure.
To promote my online, Empower with Home Yoga courses, this year, I launched two telesummits. The first one was successful, I learnt a ton, inspired hundreds and made a profit. The second one, which has just finished, was also an incredible experience and it connected me to hundreds of students from around the world, however I didn't sell any of my courses.
I'm disheartened by this, as I know my online courses work. I've seen so many establish their practice and reap the benefits from participating in them.
My motives weren't purely based on financial gains but I made a commitment to myself and my partner, if the summit wasn't profitable I wouldn't do one again. I gave all that I had - time, effort, tears and love. Not making a dime and being out of pocket for the prizes etc. saddens me. I feel as though I have lost apart of myself. My dreams, my visions and what felt like my dharma.
What did I do wrong, wasn't I good enough, perhaps I didn't speak clearly, or maybe my videos weren't up to scratch … on and on and on, these thoughts of failure and 'not-enoughness,' fill my mind.
Thank goodness for my practice. Allowing these feelings to arise, without having to numb or suppress them. Feeling the pain, crying, writing and grieving for the loss of my project and all the effort that went into it.
Experiencing the clouds, rain and storm and learning to embrace every aspect of my being has enabled my to move beyond the sadness and see the light.
What I have learnt through this process ... Perhaps there will be times that you feel less than whole, but when those moments come, encourage yourself to remember a time when you made the world a more positive place. Regardless of where you are on your path, that moment mattered.
The moment you share your light, the world becomes a brighter place.
For today shine, just like you're made to!