What I know to be true is that emotions once explored, experienced and expressed pass. The word emotion originated from the Latin word 'emovere,' e- (variant of ex-) ‘out’ + movere ‘move’. Broken down e+motion, literally meaning energy in motion.
At Samsara's funeral I committed that I would speak to her and about her in honor of her life. In order to do this I continue to explore the myriad of emotional variations that arise. This process can lead to edgy, unknown, intense places, a labyrinth of emotions, revealing intricate layers of meaning. I find there is a natural flowing cycle, moving between emotional expression, witnessing, gaining perspective and receiving insights.
So tools that I have been using to feel and explore my emotions of grief are in the photo above -
Molly Bears - Molly Bears is a non-profit organization that creates weighted teddy bears for all stages of pregnancy loss and infant loss up to 12 months of age. The bear is made to the weight of the baby so that the family can have a tactile memory of the child.
Wish U Were Here Dolls - I really wanted to experience breast feeding twins. Having both my girls in my arms to feed was a longing desire. I had the photos of my girls printed onto these dolls - Samsara at birth and Maya at 4 months. The intention was to recreate the experience of holding them together in my arms. Whilst I will never feed the twins together there is something powerful about holding them side by side in this doll form.
Photo books - I put together a collection of photos, quotes, sayings and memories into a photo book to remember my angel. It was challenging at first as I had a limited number of photos and had to fill 40 pages but this gave an opportunity to get creative. This book sits on top of our fridge and can be seen from many rooms in the house.
For some this may seem really weird and a little crazy to have a tear bear, some dolls and a photo book as tools to understand, accept and come to terms with grief but for me they are working. At the end of the day, that is what is important - finding what works for you and going with it!
Best wishes of your journey with emotions.