“Whaa, whaa whaa.” Really?! I ask myself. It's 3.25am and I am getting up for the third time this evening! I feed, change and burp the little one then sit on the couch attempting to soothe Kailash into a peaceful baby slumber before my head explodes!
My eyes are protruding out of of their sockets, I have a cold sore, throbbing headache, it feels like there are daggers in my throat, slimy drool is running down my back, a big wet patch of baby spew covers the sleeve of my pj's, not to mention the overflowing bucket of dirty nappies and my to-do list, pages long!
The thought 'maybe I'm not cut out for this whole baby thing,' enters my mind. 'This is all to hard, I have it so bad, why won't he sleep, how will I function in the morning, I'm not coping …' My mind is filled with thoughts yet the thoughts are entering and exiting without being all encompassing. There is distance, space and some sense of ease amidst the chaos of my mind.
I know that this challenging time will pass, just like everything in life. One moment moving into the next, constantly changing, flowing.
Still rocking Kailash, he begins to cry. I notice my heart rate and pulse instantly affected. I consciously slow my breath to calm my nervous system and like magic, I feel my body relax. He passes wind then is out like a light. A sigh of relief, I put him in his cot and slide into bed.
After a few more hours sleep, daylight breaks and our backyard chooks start clucking. Before getting out of bed, I repeat my sankalpa (positive affirmation), which puts in me good stead. I get up, feed the chooks and do some awakening yoga poses to release my stiffened neck and tired shoulders.
After a few minutes of Abhyanga - ayurvedic oil massage – and a warm shower, I use my tongue scrapper and practice neti.
Kailash is awake, I go to change his nappy and there is poo just about everywhere! I start to wipe him with a damp cloth and this immediately sets off the fire hydrant (so to speak). Pee squirts over me, the wall and carpet! How does such a little being make such a big mess?
Needing to leave the house by 7.30am to drop him off at my mums so I can teach two yoga classes at the hospital, I realise it's time to get moving! I feed him off one breast while expressing from the other. As I burp him, I steralise the breast pump and bottle, then eat my breakfast. After a quick tidy of the house, I pack his bag, click him in his car seat and set on my journey.
I turn the key and the car doesn't start. I try again. No luck. I want to kick and scream, 'why now? Why today? This shouldn't be happening!' Again my heart rate increases, I can feel the tension rising ... a few conscious breaths gets me out of the car. I open the garage and find a battery charger. While hooking it up to the car, Kailash begins to cry. Thoughts fill my mind – 'could this get any worse?' What feels like slow motion, step by step, I pick him up, cuddle him close then clip on the leads to recharge the battery. He has an upset tummy and after some burping, my clean black top is now patterned with what looks like cottage cheese. Another change of clothing and some more washing to add to the pile.
Once the car is charged I put Kailash back in his seat, then restate my sankalapa. While driving I listen to my favourite kirtan and as I am singing along I realise this is how I live my yoga.
Yoga for me is not about how to make difficult poses look easy, or knowing every sanskrit term, it's about applying the practices of yoga in every moment - no matter what challenges arise.
There will always be ups and downs, highs and lows, good and bad. Yoga isn't about suppressing, numbing or putting a smile on one's face and being oh so spiritual! Acknowledging feelings, standing up for beliefs, being honest, integral, connected and present – actually present, living LIFE. To me this is yoga.
It is this type of yoga that brings union. It will enhance your life. It will enrich your relationships. It will give inner peace and happiness and I can say this with full confidence as I know it to be True.
To help you apply the practice of yoga on and off the mat, I have joined with Kara-Leah Grant to create the 'How to Live Your Yoga and Rock Your Life' webinar series. So you can truly Live Your Yoga and Rock Your Life! Join us.